In the News: Anna Mae He

I would like to make two comments about this post –

1. My husband was adopted from S. Korea at age 10. He lived with his mother and grandparents until he got on the plane to the US. No one explained where he was going or why at the explicit instructions of the Korean adoption agency. Many children who are adopted internationally are NOT orphans, they are relinquished because their parents can’t feed and clothe them or send them to school. My huband did not want a new family, he wanted to stay with his own. Unfortunately, his adoption experience is not at all unique.
2. The Bakers, who say they “love” Anna Mae and want the best for her, have put this child in a terrible position. She was never theirs to try and adopt. She was never abandoned. She is not a Chinese orphan. The ONLY reason Anna’s parents are strangers is because the Bakers manipulated the legal system for years and refused to let her parents visit her. They have also ensured that Anna reached the age of 8 with no Chinese language skills, no cultural knowledge, and no experience with other Asians. That was inexcusable, particularly since they knew this child would probably be returned to her parents eventually. When this child grows up and realizes how she was lied to about her birth parents not wanting her/not being able to care for her and realizes the way the Bakers manipulated the situation with their legal games, she will hate them. And since all of the information about her case is all over the internet, she would find out eventually no matter what the outcome was.

So if your by then 10 years old husband did not want a new home, then you can understand Anna do not want a new home at her 8 years old. Chinese cummunity despite He family for them giving away 3 weeks premature baby to a stranger. we know many poor parents, do they all give away their baby becuase they are poor? I have child therefore I know how it is to raise a child from three weeks old to 8 years old. egg, sperm donor HE do not deserve to be Mae’s parents!! even he get Mae back, I doubt Mae will ever love him. Hes are shameless !!!
He has signed contract to allow Baker to raise Anna until 18, now they say they signed it becuase they don’t know English which is plain lie.

I read both posts by kate and hou and I cannot agree with kate more, and I am strongly in disagreement with hou for saying that “Chinese cummunity despite He family…” for it’s simply not true. I, for one, see that the Bakers were pretty much like the kidnappers who took away Elizabeth Smart from Salk Lake City, because they “loved her”. As a parent and a child psychologist, I am appralled by the so-called love the Bakers claimed to have for Anna Mae He that they would go so far as to manupilate the legal system and the child to prevent the natural parents from approaching their own child.
The ones who should be ashamed are the Bakers. Look what they are doing now, trying to manipulate public opinions? My heart bleeds for the little girl.

If you can’t afford a child don’t have one, no matter what country you are in. I don’t think Anna Mae should have to go back to her biological parents. They continue their battle only to enable themselves to remain in this country. Children are not trading cards, you don’t have them, then decide you can’t afford them, then tell someone else to raise them, then decide “oh, I think I can raise them now”. It is somewhat puzzling that the He’s understood enough English to find out that when they were about to be deported and returned to their beloved China that they rekindled their fight in order to remain in the United States. Just leave Anna Mae alone and let her live the only life she has known. As the original agreement stated the Baker’s would raise her until she was 18. When she turns 18 she can make up her mind and decide if she wants a relationship with the people that cared so much for her they pawned her off like a TV at the pawn store.

Response to Debbie:
The Hes were gainfully employed and can afford to take of Anna Mae until they lost their jobs and piled up large medical bills which led to their temporary placing of Anna Mae in foster care for 3 months. After 3 months, they’ve gotten back on their feet and asked for their daughter back only to have the Bakers turning them down and used every legal means to keep the Hes from getting Anna Mae back for all these many years.
The Hes have been in legal custody battle to get Anna Mae back since 2000.
The claim that “they continue their battle only to enable themselves to remain in this country” makes no sense at all. If they were only interested in seeking custody of AMH to prevent their deportation, why would they bother when they had had two other children in the meantime?

1. Kate, above, is right on the money in her comment #2. Yes, little Anna Mae will undoubtedly endure trauma, but that trauma is due mostly to the manipulations of the Baker family. Even in the beginning when they DID permit the He family to visit — they only allowed 1 hour a week — when Mrs. He tried to prolong a visit, Mrs. Baker called the police and had her escorted off the property. Then, when the child was 2 years old, the Baker family cut off visitation altogether. So this child has grown up with no knowledge of her culture, her language, her mother, her father, her brother, her sister. She has never tasted real Chinese food, or experienced the supportive community that the Chinese culture is so good at.

2. Hou is wrong — the Chinese community most certainly does NOT despise the He family. (altho they might think they were a little stupid for allowing a lao wai family to become foster parents to their child). There are hundreds of Chinese Americans who have supported the He family financially, by helping to defray their legal bills, and also hundreds have signed an online petition. Furthermore, I have lived in China for the past 7 years, and I can tell you that most people here are rooting for the He family.

3. Sam’s response to Debbie’s ignorant remark is right on the money. When Anna Mae’s mother conceived, Mr. He had an great job as a university teacher, a good place to live, and was within months of completing his Ph.D. The He family had every reason to believe that they had a bright and prosperous future awaiting them — the time was right to have a child!! It wasn’t until a very deceitful young lady falsely accused Mr. He of rape that things began to spiral out of control.

The character assassination that the He couple have endured is beyond the pale. The Bakers need to be exposed for the manipulative and deceitful individuals that they are — even now they continue to manipulate this little 8-year old girl. Jerry Baker even offered her $5 each to answer two questions in the presence of reporters — #1 — where do you want to live — United States or China (and then he prompted her to say the US) and #2 do you want your last name to be He or Baker? (the child refused to answer this question — which tells you a lot).

Talk about an ignorant remark…”She has never tasted real Chinese food, or experienced the supportive community that the Chinese culture is so good at”. Don’t end a sentence with a preposition and the He’s worked at Red Sun a Chinese Buffet which is some of the worst imitation Chinese food there is, so she certainly wouldn’t have tasted any authentic Chinese food there.

Hou, I tell you the fact that He family only sign temparory foster agreement about AMH with Baker family!

But Baker family wants to adopt AMH so they use the court game to deprive He’s of thier parental right!

To Debbie, some people always talk about the best interest of Anna Mae He

They assume that or think because of

- He Family is poor
- China is not free
- Baker is rich

But they forget that Baker is a kidnapper

Now a kid get adapted to live with the kidnapper, should a kid follow the kidnapper even though the kidnap case is discovered?

If yes, any rich American can kidnap the baby from the third world for their interest!

What happened in this case is a tragedy, for both families.

Clearly written laws would have protected both families, and would have prevented Anna Mae from her current situation.

Birth families and adoptive families are both protected by clearly worded laws, defining what is involved in giving up or abandoning a child.

If the birth parents wilfully give up their child, it should be very difficult–impossible even–to take that child back(after a cooling off period).

On the other hand, the birth family must be protected against cooercion and deception, right up to the point that they intentionally give up their child. Anyone claiming that they gave up the child must be able to prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Private agencies should be held to the same standards–at least–as government agencies. They should also be held to similar standards as lawyers. They might represent both parties as long as both parties agree, but if there ceases to be an agreement, they have to step out. They shouldn’t continue to represent one side or the other.

Such simple protections would have kept this case from ever going to court. There should have been no question about the intentions of either family.

Help Anna stay with the Bakers, by making a donation in her name at http://www.hearmyvoice.org and specifying it is for Anna’s legal defense fund.

It doesn’t matter now who was right and who was wrong in this situation.

What matters is an 8 year old girl who is aboout to be taken from the only family and only country she has ever known.

Anna Mae isn’t Chinese. She is Chinese-American. She doesn’t speak Chinese, she doesn’t “think” Chinese, or “act” Chinese. She is American in this.

To take her from her family and give her to complete strangers- which the Hes are to her is unfathomable.

I know that bloodline is important in Chinese culture. To Anna Mae- bloodline is what is ripping her from her parents and siblings. Because folks- the Bakers are HER family… in HER mind- that is her family and no judge, no bloodline can change that.

Perhaps legally Anna Mae belongs with the Hes.. emotionally, she is with her family. To send her back to them- only to then have her go to China- I can’t imagine her fear.

She is a U.S. citizen- she should not have to go to a country she doesn’t want to go to- perhaps an immigration attorney will take up the fight to keep her here based on emotional damage… who knows?

This is a mess- but the deed is done and Anna Mae needs to konw there are 2 families that love her.

Perhaps if the judge had offered to cut Anna Mae in two- we would have seen the “real” parent step forward.

The Bakers and Hes should probably share custody of this child- it is what is in the best interest of her.. .she is not a coffee table. She is a child and she has a family and I can’t imagine how she will cope if taken from her family.

Sometimes legal right isn’t moral right.

And this case just amplifies one reason I chose international adoption… because I KNEW that 1 year, 4 years, 7 years down the road- I would NEVER have to deal with a bio-parent coming back and saying- I want my child. I made a mistake, I didn’t understand what I was signing. It’s awful what we do to children in this country in regards to adoption and custody.

HMV is backing the Bakers. The Bakers who kept a child that was not theirs to keep. The Hes put AMH into temporary care. The Bakers planned from the beginning on keeping AMH, or they would have returned her when the Hes asked them to.
HMV has a website that is collecting money for the Bakers, but are using the name of AMH. The birthparents were told by the judge that they could not collect money using their daughters name. But HMV continues to use her name. Why??

Once a mother willingly hands her 3 week old baby over to strangers she has effectively halted the mother-child attachment and bonding process and transfered it to another mother. In the absence of abuse or neglect, no child should be removed from it’s primary caregiver and certainly not willingly warehoused in another family because of illness, inconvenience or financial strains of the moment. That is physical and emotional abandonment of the child and the mother-child attachment process, whether the original intention was to have it be temporary or not.

I believe all who say that the Bakers “took” Anna from her birth parents and those who say the Bakers manipulated the Hes should educate themselves before speaking. It is stupid to speak such harsh words when the only information you’ve educated yourself with are new articles. FACT: news articles are not FACTS! If you want to speak educated on this case, please read the entire lower court ruling. I believe then you’ll see that the truly manipulitive people are the Hes. It is also true that the He’s lawyer and case was taken probono. So then why have they set up a “defense” fund with funds being sent to their HOME address…when there are no legal fees to be incurred? Please take time to read FACTS before posting your ignorant remarks.

Where can you find the lower court ruling, I’d like to read it Mike

Sarah et al,

The lower court ruling was found to be legally flawed and wanting by the latest ruling. More importantly, there are questions as to whether the lower court judges were biased in favor of the Bakers.

In short, the lower court rulings were found wanting on legal grounds and were rightfully overruled by the Tennessee Supreme Court.

There has never been a question about the lower court Judge being bias, that is an outrageous comment with absolutely no foundation. Unbelievable
He may have been overturned, but to personally attack a Judge because you didn’t like his decision, is the lowest form of gossip. you should be ashamed!

There was only 1 judge who made the initial ruling, not judges. I agree this Exholt doesn’t seem to be very knowledgable, just full of BS

For all of you who think Anna Mae should stay with the Bakers, I have one question. How would you feel if Anna Mae were YOUR child?

I feel that Anna Mae should have stayed with the Bakers. For you see I am in the same boat that the Bakers were on. I have had this child since the age of 6 months old and now the birht mother wants him back. During all of this DCS ( THE STATE OF TENNESSEE) has dropped the ball. In some cases the birth family is not best. Just look at the over all care of children that were in DCS care and then placed back with the birth familes. The children are either dead, abused or when they become older they are in the court system. I have already lived this nightmare for my foster sister was placed back with her birth family and she died in the familes care.

There are pretty much no reasons for Anna to stay with the Bakers.

1) The Hes have never even intended to abandon Anna. Perhaps some may say that they will never send their children for others to care no matter what, but not all who twitters are bold. Besides, to parents who make such judgements – don’t you ever give your kids to day care or something?
2) The Hes are good parents, as testified by psychologists that has witnessed their other children, Andy and Avita. Also, I am Chinese and I have been raised in China for 11 years, and China is not necessarily a bad place to be just because their standards of living isn’t comparable with Americans. After all, material wealth can never replace bloodline.
3) The only reason why people think Hes are manipulative and whatnot are because of Childers, which brings me to my fourth point. In fact, many bad things about Hes and China are from Childer’s ruling.
4) It is beyond doubt that Childers have been biased in his decision – his reasoning of how Jack has been manipulative is that Jack can speak English, use computer well, and use Internet well. Well damn, doesn’t that apply to half the North americans today? Also, when Mrs He cried, she was being “hysterical”, and when Mr Baker cried, he was being “loving”. I guess the only rational explanation is that Chinese tears are worth less than American ones, if that is going to hold. And those are just examples – read the 15 charges against Childers for full details. The appeal decision isn’t much better – as an example, to ensure that Hes have “willfully” not visited Anna for four months, knowledge of such responsibility must be a factor. Well, defining factor as the cause of cause-and-effect certainly won’t do to keep their parental right severed, so they defined it as “one of the two or more quantitis that form a product when multiplied.” Sounds familiar? Yup, it’s the same factor as in “3 is a factor of 6″. I guess I should start recommending people taking math courses if they want to persue a career in law.
5) The Bakers are the “calculating one”. Basically, their strategy from the start was to destory the Hes financially – they forced Jack all the way to Arizona to find a job because they intimidated the local employers into not hiring him. After Siegel and Gordon decided to represent them free of charge, they tried to drive him out of the country. Oh and BTW, for people who think that Hes only want Anna to stay in America – they have two more children, and they plan to bring Anna back to China. Now why would they plan than that if all they want is to stay in US?

All in all, I salute the Hes for fighting all these years, in face of all these difficulties and prejudices (most of which are from fellow Chineses, something that disturbs me greatly), and I applaud the final decision. May God continue to be with Anna.

I should add that when I said Arizona in the last post, I meant Atlanta (or at least, I think that’s what its English name is).

I know I’m late to comment but another tragedy in this situation is that this nightmare was all originated through a Christian Family Group. They really should have known better.

There are two fundamental problems here at work. The first has to do with the termination of parental rights, which courts should rightly be reluctant to do. Just because a foster family is wealthier or could provide a child with more “opportunities” does not mean a court should reassign parentage.

On the other hand, there is also a culture difference here in this case that needs to be addressed. In America, you don’t just drop off your child off at an orphanage because times are tough. In other parts of the world, families do use orphanages like we use day care here. But this is America, and it is up to those coming here to adapt to our culture, and not the other way around.

For the poster above, Sally Hindley, who said, “For all of you who think Anna Mae should stay with the Bakers, I have one question. How would you feel if Anna Mae were YOUR child?” I have this answer: The only time my children would ever go to an orphanage is if I’m dead and they can’t find my papers. Period.

Hello
I have read a lot of the comments on this discussion board. My husband and I adopted two children when they were babies in the states. They are now 19 years old and 16 years old.

I understand all the comments that have been made but one of the most important things is what is best for Anna Mae??
I am sure that she is in a loving home with the Bakers. After all this is the only home that this little girl has known for the first 8 years of her life.
Imagine all the trauma that she is going through. Her little heart must be torn apart because of the separation of the only family that she really knows.
The bottom line is what is really best for the little girl. Yes her biological parents want her back. If they were truly thinking about her welfare they should her stay with the Bakers. She will be heartbroken. Even though you don’t give birth to a baby does not mean
you are not the better parent.

I feel badly for all the parties involved but I feel that the child’s feeling should be a first priority. If her biological parents loved her that much they should let her go.Their statement about to continue the fight not to be deported really said a lot.
Do they care about their daughter or themselves more???

My husband and I adopted two children when they were babies. The biological parents gave them up with open arms knowing that they will have a better life. When Anna Maes parents signed the paper for her to be raised till 18 they did that too. They should have let her stay with the Bakers and let her decide at 18 if she wanted to pursue a relationship with her biological parents. That should have been her choice.
These are my feelings about the matter.
Please let me know how you feel
Thanks
Michele

I would like to comment about the He/Baker story. We got to read what the media wanted us to read. You could also find court documents online as well.

I think the Bakers manipulated a situation and then attempted to adopt Anna Mae against the wishes of the He’s. Even if the He’s stated that the Bakers could raise her, they did not say they could adopt her. The Bakers were wrong, very wrong, to start a court fight to adopt Anna Mae.

A few questions I have are why did Anna Mae thinkg she was Mexican? I would bet the Baker’s told her that. In a newspaper article the Bakers stated that Anna did not want to learn Chinese. Perhaps she did not want to at that time, but I can tell you that Anna Mae knew she was not white and at one day and time, she would want to know about her heritage. What were the Bakers going to do, take her to Mexico and say here it is? The Bakers were dening Anna Mae her heritage.
Quite honestly I think the Bakers participated in what is known as parental alienation. Their goal was to terminate the parent rights of the He’s and to claim Anna as theirs. Read about the court fights that took place.

Most courts, mental health and legal professionals recognize that speaking negatively to or in front of a child about a parent, interfering with communication and visitation, and confiding inappropriate information to a child, such as details of the marriage, divorce, or court proceedings, are harmful to the child. Current research shows this damage can last long into adulthood.

If a child responds to such alienating behaviors, the result can be another set of behaviors exhibited in the child. These behaviors can include fear, anger, and divided loyalties toward the targeted parent. These behaviors collectively are called Parental Alienation Syndrome.

The fact that the above behaviors in children may be used by unscrupulous people to try and manipulate courts into inappropriate custody decisions, doesn’t make these behaviors any less existent.

Although Anna Mae was not a child of a custody case due to divorce, this behavior of alienation was used by the Bakers.

Until Parental Alienation can be stopped in the courts by judges and laws changed, this will continue. I urge everyone to read about Parental alienation and help spread the word.

It exists! I know I am the target parent in a custody case and I can tell you it is heart wrenching. You live daily in hell. The child you once knew and who once loved you, decimates you. It happens suddenly when the alienating parent has put their plan into place. I am not the only parent who experiences this. There are thousands that do on a daily basis.
We need your help to educate and make aware to the public the effects of Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting.

All of us that were for Anna staying with the Bakers must accept that she is now with the He’s. I feel for Anna in all this. People are so divided on this. When Anna was a baby the Baker’s should have given her back to the He’s. When this stretched into all these yrs the decision should have been made in Anna’s favor to stay with the Baker’s and the He’s given visitation rights so Anna could get to slowly know them. No one looked at what Anna wanted or what was best. Was she ever spoken to alone even after the He’s got her. Did no one care what an 8 yr old wanted? Someday when Anna is old enough to make her own decisions her voice will be heard( remember she is an American and will return here someday)For now the He’s have her and hopefully Anna is making the best of her new life. God Bless her.

Jack He is selfish and manipulative. He uses the media to ask for money, free legal services, free education. He gave up a 3 week old baby for financial reasons, then proceeded to have another child, Andy, a year later! If you can’t afford to keep your child, why have a another? I bet he wouldn’t have given up the baby if she had been a son.

As a Chinese born girl who was lucky enough to be raised in America, I say shame on Jack He for not putting Anna Mae’s interest first. KNOW YOUR STATISTICS PEOPLE. Only the ignorant think that a girl living in China has better economic prospects than a girl living in the U.S. China has far more people and fewer opportunities. While opportunities for individual success in China are improving, they are still a far cry from those in the U.S.

Look carefully at this man. He is opportunistic.