8 Ways to Help a Child Grieve
My sons came to our foster home eight years ago today. We had no idea at that time how they were going to forever change our lives. We were just foster parents who answered the phone and accepted two kids, who needed a home. Our oldest son joined our home three months later.
One of the issues that we may need to watch for as foster and adoptive parents is developmental grieving or grief that is triggered by anniversaries. The year mark of Hurricane Katrina, which is coming up, may trigger reactions of grief in many people including young children. A child may not remember the events of that day but some where in his body he remembers the trauma of the Hurricane and having to be temporarily or permanently uprooted.
It is the same for our foster or adopted children. We may see behaviors on the anniversary of the move into state's custody, other traumatic events in the child's life, birthdays, or holidays. I wonder if this is why my youngest son, who is also the most sensitive, was a bit on edge with me tonight? It is something to think about.
To help the child cope try a few of these 8 ideas.What have your done to help a child grieve? Click "comments" below and share your ideas.
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Suggested Reading:Steps to Understanding Grief and Loss in Children
Top 10 Questions to Ask When Called to take a Foster Child
I would help them get back to their real parents.
I have written to you before. Since I have been fostering for five years, I may be able to help. Certainly allowing the child to vent with a supportive and caring attitude helps. Often we are the receivers of irrational outbursts, or even physical abuse. Remaining calm and setting up boundaries is necessary. I believe the child wants to be stopped at some point with his or her unacceptable behavior. Allowing them the space and privacy to grieve but letting them know that you are there when they are ready to talk is another important step. Don’t take anything personally otherwise you may find that logic is being taken over with emotion that could be counterproductive. Children need to express themselves without feeling threatened or shown disrespect, a disapproving manner or attitude. Show that you really do care.
Monika,
Yes. Thank you, I always appreciate your comments.
We as foster parents do often become the sounding board for kid’s anger.
I agree – don’t take it personally. It. Is. The hardest. Thing. To. Do.
Keep your words of wisdom and experience coming.
LK,
That is our primary J.O.B. Getting the kids back home to their parents. But along that journey – we must help them grieve and deal with their anger. What we’re talking about here – is finding the right skills and tools to help us help the kids get back home to their birth families.