Learning More About Baby Talon
It's important to realize that what the news calls an "adoption," is not always an adoption. Geez, I should have known better. Talon's adoption was not final in court. As I learn more about baby Talon's case I can't help but feel very sorry for all parties involved. According to the things I have read, including the Larson's, prospective adoptive parents, blog, it seems like they set themselves up for heartbreak. It appears that Talon's biological mother had changed her mind about the adoption before leaving the hospital, red flag. She then sent papers to the court to revoke her relinquishment within days of her initial signing. The tribal courts were involved with this case days after Talon's birth. The prospective adoptive parents chose to fight. They knew it was going to be a difficult road, they share their feelings about this battle in their blog. Again, I feel for them.
They could have mourned the loss of a baby they knew for only a few hours, or mourned the loss of a baby they parented for several months. I parented a little one for only two weeks as a foster parent and I cried for days when he left. I know for myself, this would not have been the route for me, but we're all different.
When it comes to legal risk adoptions, heartbreak is always a possibility. It's the same with foster care adoption, especially when parental rights have yet to be severed. So, when choosing to go the route of a legal risk adoption, be prepared to fight, cry, pray and, of course, cuss the system. But remember that it was a row you chose to hoe and it may mean getting a bit dirty.
Comments
Carrie,
I’d like to point out that one doesn’t need to fight something like this. If a woman is fit to parent, even if YOU don’t think she is, then don’t you think the right thing to do is to gracefully return the child?
Fighting isn’t always the way to go. Even though I placed my son, I would have made a good mom, my reasons were almost entirely financial.
Belle,
Yes. I agree with you. I was attempting to point out that this is not a case of prospective adoptive parents being unknowing victims. I appreciate you and Toni commenting on the blogs and continuing to gently educate and bring about a different perspective to adoption.
Carrie,
You’re right, they weren’t unknowing victims like they are being portrayed by the news media.
I think what makes me the most sad is that as always first moms who place their child with love in their heart who are drug and alcohol free and who would make good parents with some help to start end up getting maligned as I think this once again proves by comments I am reading all over the ‘net.
And thanks for the compliment.
Carrie
I was pleased today to see you had updated your blog with more information regarding this case. It has been misrepresented all over the place and it is nice to see that some people are willing to acknowledge when they get some of the facts wrong when reporting about/commenting on news stories.
This is a sad story for Talon (his parents are clearly in crisis and I hope they get the help they need) but I am reassured that the law was followed and he is at least getting the chance to know his siblings and his tribe, even if it is through a foster family.
I think sometimes we can all forget that while we would love it if every child had an easy, fun and love filled life with their parents, not every child is going to get that. Some children (like some people in general) have a harder/more challenging road to hoe. It might not be fair, but no one said that life was going to be fair or that everyone’s life would be perfect. And none of us can say with absolute certainty that any of the options in this particular case were the best - which is when having the law to fall back upon is the right thing to do. I take comfort in knowing that there seem to be a lot of people who really love this little boy and are doing the best they can to give him what he needs.
Excellent point - the upside to this story is that Talon is one little boy that has many, many people who love him.
And - thanks for the feedback.
Thank you for portraying this story accurately. So many people automatically assume the dark side of things. Its nice to see more and more people opening their eyes.
Even though they had no “legal” right to this child, imagine bonding with a baby (look past all the facts) and think about how you have to lose your child, the child you thought would be yours forever. Have you ever been there? It hurts. So, please don’t bad mouth the adoptive parents. They just wanted to have this baby in their family. And they may have made mistakes, but who’s to say you wouldn’t do the same thing in their shoes?! I wish them all the best and swift healing too.
As a firstmom I have been right there. I’m not saying they didn’t bond with the boy or anything else.
Facts are facts though, they knew the situation, they knew what could happened. They could have saved themselves alot of heartache, passed on this situation and waited for another child.
BSmom, Yes even though I am not a first mom or an adoptive mother who has had an adoption fall through, I do understand how it feels to bond with a child and that child be lost.. to death. As a matter-of-fact that child would be 15 tomorrow had he not have passed at 13months. Prospective adoptive parents know(or at least common sense should clue them in) that the process is a calculated risk. This situation was even more so from the birth of this child. The mother had renigged, the tribe was involved and yet someone(an adoption agency) allowed these people to take a child home and bond with him… Sure I feel bad for them because they were swindled by a woman who was calculating and an agency that is out for the almighty dollar but I do believe that at some point their God given common sense should have kicked in and known they were going to be giving him back sooner or later. Why did they put themselves through that torture? Do you truly think that all first moms are non bonded with the children they carry? I hope they heal quickly and move on.. and learn a valuable lesson about adoption agencies too.. in the state of Utah particularly.
Knowing Heather and the Story - You should know of the heroics of a mother who chose to fight instead of handing over a baby to a heroin addict. Even at day one! I applaud her love of children and her courage to fight her uphill battle to give this baby a chance at a good life in a loving home. This baby did not go to back to the birth mom! This baby went into the foster care system with this birth moms other kids. You feel sorry for a mother who took drugs during her pregnancy. She did not want this baby till the foster care system to her other children away. Then - she decides it looks better to fight for all the kids. To hold onto a little child who is born so sickly for the baby’s good just to heve him yanked from you and put in foster care is the tragedy! Heather is an amazing woman who had the courage to fight for a child who could not speak for himself at a day old. He suffered a great deal in his first days.
She knew the risks she was taking. I’m sure it is very hard but I’m also sure that his foster parents love him as well. If she didn’t want to endure this hurt, she should have handed the baby back when she was told that the mother was revoking her TPR.
It’s sad, yes, but again, she knew the risks she was taking. I get told all the time that I knew I would be sad and it would be hard when I placed my child and it was my choice, so shut up about it. She knew the risks, she knew it could be hard and it could be sad, she knew what would happen ultimately.
The agency is the one that is truly to blame in this deal, they led this couple down a road they shouldn’t have gone down. It points out the fact however that people that wish to adopt need to educate themselves outside of what the agency tells them.
Belleinblue,
why are you so bitter towards adoptive parents? if not, you sure do seem like it. in on of your comments, you said that the adoptive parents should have given the baby back first thing, everyday is a chance for a new life for everyone, we hope for a chance to live to the next day, why was it so wrong for them to hope for a chance at raising talon. i agree with you,i feel it was the agency’s fault on a lot of this, but i also can see why the adoptive parents hoped for the best.
I’m not bitter towards adoptive parents at all. My parents are my adoptive parents and I love them more than you can imagine.
What I don’t like is people that think that they end run around a law.
I’m not saying the law is a good law or anything else, but then go about changing it the RIGHT way.
I’ll maintain that they could have given that child back and avoided all of the heartache right away when they learned things weren’t going to go their way.
Their hope should have been for a better, healthier situation, not to force something that wasn’t going to happen.
true, so very true… but sometimes it is worth the risk. the laws do need to be changed in so many ways.
please stop calling my son talon. His nsme is DESTINO and yes he did go to a foster home for only like two days. Then he came home. I now have DESTINO back for good.Our lives our coming together.I’m in two parenting classes with all my kids and my husbend.Yes things were bad but thats the good thing about change. I have more people in my life now then I’ve ever had. People that I can just talk to if I need to I never had that befor. To Heather I’m sorry for what happpend ,but she wanted a baby so bad that she maid me out to be this f#$%^&* up person. Thats what the news put out there and I was told not to say any thingabout it . but now I have my kids back an we’er moving on from all this. For all the people that said bad things about me at that put in my life thank you. That helped me to show you worng. An to give you some thing alos to talk about.Now you can all sit back and watch me and my son’s grow. Thank you all who said I could do it. But moer son to the ones that said I couldn’t P.S. Iam back In shcool now so I’m trying to wright this the best that I can.Hope you under stand what I’m saying