Grief and Loss in Children
When my friend moved her 3-year-old foster child from her foster home into a potential adoptive home, she worked with the child to prepare him for the move. She made his lifebook available to him; they looked it over together and spoke often about his workers searching for a mommy and daddy.
He seems to be doing well in his new home. No matter how young, children grieve past losses. They may put on brave faces and go about life, but children will express their emotions eventually; often through behavior as they don't have the vocabulary to express grief verbally. When helping a child work through grief and loss, keep in mind the elements that may be affecting their grief. Also, know that just because a child seems to be doing well in a new home initially does not mean that the good times will last as some kids may "honeymoon" or be your dream child.
How have you helped children move, whether back to their birth home or into a new foster/adopt home? Share your experiences by clicking "comments" below. We can learn a lot from each other!
We have fostered 160 children over a 28 year period, transitioning all but 5 back to birth families or to adoptive homes, each time part of our hearts accompanied them, but we feel that the whole idea of fostering is to work yourself out of a job, the 5 that we adopted were “birthed through our hearts” The Morrissey family
Thank you Tracey for sharing your fostering story. You are an inspiration to the rest of us.
We have fostered two children in the past two years. We intend to adopt one of them, but the other had to go to a new foster home after almost two years. It was so painful for all involved.
Yes seperation is never easy for anyone in any situation. Thanks for sharing your stories
Great job,you are an asset to your community and America. My wife and I are in mid 30’s with two kids ages 8 and 7 biological,but we are thinking about adopting a young child.
Fostering children can truly awaken ones minds, heart and sole. Adoption is a continuation to what was started and can be the means of closure for some children. Not always what is necessary in some children, till they are emotional read for it to take place. Raising any age child will come with it’s time of happiness and sorrow, sickness and in health. In adoptions there will be a time when questions may arise with concerns or interest in their past families. What, why’s & where’s. It will be the honesty of the team your working under that might help to the success of any placement of child in your home. Being realistic and learning about emotional,educational,medical needs that may
or may not occur in your families home. Knowing what you can about past caregivers, families and foster homes, Lifebooks do help if used correctly. Losses, that is such a complexed word in a foster childs world. Levels of loss added with the trauma a child,”PST” has witnessed at any age can determine the emotional stability and range of behaviors a child can exhibit at home and school. It’s how quickly can we defuse, detox and mend those broken hearts and bodies. Some children live with the deformaties left by the neglete of past caregivers. Memory books,lifebooks,journals,logs, shetch book, with as many pictures one can find of past to present are keys of healing. Then the words, its time to move on. This now is your life.
Material things, and sometimes foods are used way too much for a quick fix, it adds to attachment disorders down the road. “personal option” Finding the scares of a childs mind and heart can take days, months, years and life time to heal. Love, recognize feelings, in both yourself and entire family. Work with your partner as team raising your children. Take those parenting classes for birth thru teen years. Take time for yourself, you marriage, plan the family meals and outtings. Enjoy lifes treasures. We are still very blessed people.
We are a pre-adoptive home for two sibs age 5 and 7. It has been a great experience for our entire family. I’m in the process of creating life books and starting to prepare them for the upcoming adoption. I need to let them grieve, but at the same time in a time of celebration. We have a lot of support from the kids therapist. Their help is so valuable. Any families looking into adoption when you have “resident” children should check out a new book titled- Brothers and Sisters in Adoption by Arleta James. It is a great resource for families.