A few years ago I received an email from a distraught adoptive father. His 8-year-old internationally adopted son was becoming violent toward his 6-year-old birth son. An example of the child's behavior problem: the oldest son held the youngest son's head under water.
The father wanted to protect all of his children and help his 8-year-old overcome these behavior problems, but didn't know how to approach the situation with safety in mind. He wondered if they would be able to parent the child long-term.
These are all valid concerns and I'm not a professional counselor. I am an adoptive parent who has lived through similar situations. I put together a list based on how we and other adoptive parents we know approached getting help for our children.
We love our children and want to help them, however, we also have a responsibility to others in the home. This is difficult to balance and you may catch some heat for it. Meaning: be forewarned, our parenting choices may not be popular in the eyes of others, especially those who are not adoptive parents or have not handled severe child behaviors.
I love it when those who have never adopted sit in judgment of our families, don't you? And I'm talking about adoption professionals and mental health professionals too. A professionals years of working in an office with kids for a few hours a day vs. the day in day out daily grind of a child's behavior problem - there is no comparison, in my opinion.
How have you handled your child's behavior problems in your home, especially those that were becoming more threatening to your family?
Have you ever faced judgment regarding the parenting of your adopted child?
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