20/20 Tackles Russian Adoptions
20/20 ran a program tonight entitled, From Russia With Love -- Dealing With Difficult Adoptions, which focused on adoptees, especially Russian adoptees, who are struggling with adjusting to their new families.
Tanya and Mike Mulligan opened up to 20/20 and allowed their children's and their family's struggles to be filmed. The couple have adopted 3 children from Russia and 2 of the 3 suffer from multiple diagnosis's. They have a lawsuit pending against the adoption agnecy for not disclosing their children's needs before making the adoption final.
I watched 20/20's latest installment with much interest since the topic was adoption. You just never know how adoption will be portrayed and while I don't want to pass judgment on this struggling family, I thought there were opportunities for learning that may benefit other adoptive parents, things we can all learn from the Mulligan family.
Did you watch 20/20? If so, what did you think?
A special thank you to Christopher Hilt, adoptive father of 2 Russian adoptees, for the heads up on this 20/20. His ex-wife Peggy Hilt was interviewed on this 20/20 episode and Christopher Hilt provided a few snapshots of Nina for the show.
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Suggested Reading:Foster Children and Your Extended Family During the Holidays
Holidays and big family gatherings are tough situations for introducing your foster or newly adopted children to the extended family. Your extended family may feel uneasy about your choice to be a foster/adoptive parent in the first place. Meeting the child may help this situation or confirm their fears. Here are 7 Ways to Prepare Yourself, Your Family, and Your Foster Child for Thanksgiving.
And remember - if you're going to visit someone who doesn't have children or you know your kids are going to be bored - pack up a few craft supplies and have the kids make these cute hand print turkeys. These could be cute gifts for birth family in an adoptive or foster situation. Most parents love gifts that mark their child's stages of growth.
Select a project below and find simple to follow instructions.
- How To Make a Simple Hand Print Turkey
- How To Make a Double Handprint Turkey
- How To Create a Turkey With Handprint FeathersNew Nebraska Safe Haven Law in Effect
OK, I was watching ER Thursday (I will miss ER - last season you know) and it seems that sometimes the writers like to slip in current events. An angry woman was complaining that if her kids acted a certain way she'd drop them off in Omaha! Well, no more. Nebraska legislatures revised a new safe haven law limiting the age of infants that can be abandoned without prosecution to the parents to 30 days. The original law allowed children up to the age of 18. The new law took effect today.
The unusual wording of the original safe haven law in Nebraska did bring an awareness to a problem that before only the parents and families suffering knew about, the need for mental health services and other supports for troubled teens/pre-teens. The last child to be brought in by a parent arrived Friday before the new law took effect. The 14-year-old boy arrived from Yolo County, Calif., with his mother.
The total now sits at 36 children that have been left at Nebraska hospitals since the original law took effect in July 2008. Many of them were pre-teens or teens.
What do you think needs to change? There are definite holes in services. Click "comments" below and share your thoughts.
SOURCES:
Nebraska Revises Child Safe Haven Law - The New York Times
California Boy Is Last Teen Dropped Off After Safe-Haven Law Gets Age Limit - Foxnews.com
Nia Vardalos and Husband Ian Gomez Adopt a Little Girl
Nia Vardalos, of My Big Fat Greek Wedding fame, has adopted a little girl.
This is the first child for the couple. They have yet to release much about the child or the adoption - which, isn't that nice? Keeping family things private for a change? It has been reported that the child is less than 5-years-old and was adopted several months ago.
According to reports, they went public now to bring further attention to National Adoption Month and to the 129,000 children who are legally free for adoption in the U.S. foster care system.
SOURCE:
Nia Vardalos Adopts a Little Girl - People.com
Nebraska's Safe Haven Law Is Being Reworked
Nebraska state senators are hard at work in a special legislative session to repair the state's new safe haven law which resulted in 34 children being left at hospitals across the state. Safe haven laws are primarily intended to protect newborns, however out of the 34 children dropped off at area hospitals since the law was enacted in July 2008, not one of them has been an infant. In fact, 28 of the 34 are older than 10 years old.
The way Nebraska's current safe haven law reads allows for a "child" to be abandoned at a hospital, without parental prosecution. A child in Nebraska is defined as being under the age of 19. As Nebraska legislatures work to make a change in the law's language, the worry is that more desperate parents and care givers may rush to Nebraska. Children have been abandoned by their parents from as far away as Michigan, Indiana, Iowa, Florida and Georgia.
It is unfair for Nebraska to be placed with the responsibility of these children as their plate is already full with an overload of 6,600 children in their state's custody. The children being unloaded in Nebraska from other states is probably pushing the limits of their availability of services.
It's like what my mom would tell me after I asked for a friend to have dinner with us, "We can't afford to feed the whole neighborhood." I'm sure Nebraska is feeling the same.
The process to change the law:Early next week there will be a public hearing on the proposed changes. One bill wants the new age limit to be no older than 3 days, while another bill is seeking 30 days. There is also talk that the compromise may be 1 year of age. State senators will then have 3 rounds of debate with a final vote as early as November 21. The bill that is approved with a 2/3rd majority vote will come into effect after the Governor signs.
But until the final vote on this bill, parents will still make that long drive to Nebraska. But before putting the "pedal to the metal" and head to Nebraska, consider seeking help from family and friends. Contact your local social services department. Ask your church for assistance and while you're there, seek comfort in your chosen faith or belief system. Above all - seek help before getting into a crisis.
We've parented 3 troubled teens. Our oldest 2 went into crisis mode and things were a nightmare for a few years. I know the stress that these parents are feeling. At times, it seemed like finding help was a bigger nightmare than their behaviors. (Not to mention the feeling that we were horrible, defective parents for needing help! Parents - we feel your pain.)
We learned through this not to wait for trouble, so with our third son we have already sought help, before he goes into crisis. If your child won't go into therapy, go for yourself. If you can't afford it, ask if they have a sliding fee schedule, take payments, or again, check with local churches to see if counseling may be offered by a minister or priest. Don't give up!
Some interesting stats on 30 of the 34 children taken in under Nebraska's safe haven law:- 27 have received mental health treatment
- 28 have come from single parent homes
- 20 are white and 8 are African American
- 22 have a parent with a history of incarceration
SOURCES:
Nebraska fears rush to drop off kids before haven law change - CNN
Neb. lawmakers focus on fixing safe-haven law - MSNBC
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Suggested Reading:
Gay Adoption Takes Hit in Recent Elections
Last week, here in the United States, we not only voted for our next president, but many states voted on several issues that affect gay families, including gay adoption.
Arkansas' Proposed Initiative Act No. 1, which was voted for by about 57 percent of voters last week, bans people from “cohabitating outside a valid marriage” from serving as foster parents or adopting children. Arkansas is not the first state with such a policy. Florida does not allow adoption from people who identify as gay, Utah prevents unmarried cohabitating couples from adopting and Mississippi bans same sex couples from adopting.
One editorial points out how this is really bad timing for such legislation due to the economy. The risk for more children being abused and neglected will probably increase, and now measures such as this takes away potential foster and adoptive homes.
This means that grandma living with her boyfriend will not be allowed to take in her grandchildren if they entered the foster care system. Aunt Bea cohabitating with her significant other of 15 years would be not allowed to be placed with her nieces and nephews entering the Arkansas foster care system.
I understand the heated passion that some feel for or against gay rights. However, I feel that if people are so strongly for a law that disallows family, gay or straight, because this law impact heterosexuals as well; from taking in family or helping foster children, then those people who voted for said law, need to consider stepping up and filling a need in an already overwhelmed system.
Arkansas had about one fourth of the foster homes they needed and now they just lost a bunch more. Who is going to take in these children?
SOURCES:Antipathy Toward Obama Seen as Helping Arkansas Limit Adoption
Anti-Gay, Anti-Family
The International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR)
Today is RegDay. For those who don't know, on RegDay volunteers set up booths in public areas, such as libraries, and hand out ISRR applications and free information on adoption searches and reunions.
The International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR) was developed with the idea of providing a means for families that have been separated due to divorce, adoption, or foster care to reunite. ISRR is a mutual consent registry, meaning that for the registry to work, each adult (18 and over), has to have registered with ISRR in order for a match to be made. Many volunteers and visitors to the booths share their touching stories of reunion or the pain of a fruitless search. One RegDay volunteer shares the following:
"One young woman(an adoptee) - late twenties I think - came in with her boyfriend - took the form to register and got some info about searching as well. She was quite soft-spoken and articulate. Said she had wonderful parents, did not have to know about her past, but, felt somehow it was part of her essence as to who she was. Said that she felt if she did not search, on her death bed, she would regret it.
Our event touches a few people very dramatically, but, we need to find ways to bring in more people - especially those birth moms still in their safe cocoons as I was until over 3 years ago. Many of them have children who are signing up, but, Soundex only works if both parties register. The fear of the unknown paralyzes many of us though - that's why those of us who are reunited work tirelessly to de-mystify search and reunion for people. We know what a difference reunion has made in our lives."
Tangled Hearts
Written by adoptive mother Patti Bongiorno, Tangled Hearts tells the story of a fictional adoption that reflects reality with Bongiorno's strong characterization and insight into the adoption triad.
Not only is Tangled Hearts perfect reading this month for National Adoption Month, but the Tangled Hearts necklace is a perfect gift this holiday season!
Tangled Heart Pendant - Image used with permission from Bongiorno Books
Financial Crisis Could be a Child Abuse Risk Factor
Well, with all the talk of money and hard times to come, I never thought about what it would mean beyond the price of a tank of gas or whether or not my husband would still be employed. I should have known that the rammifications of a financial ciriss went far beyond the tangible.
While I was working at a local children's home several years ago (Wow, it was like 1996. Time flies.) we were told that the number of children residing in the facility boomed two times a year. Can you guess which?
Super Bowl Sunday and mid-April around tax day. Amazing huh? Super Bowl Sunday, probably due to the excess of alcohol and tax day due to the financial stress of the situation.
Now that we are heading into financially insecure times, the threat of more children being abused may become a reality. Childhelp, a national non-profit dedicated to the prevention and treatment of child abuse and neglect, wants us all to be aware of the current threat to our children.
Childhelp just issued a press release that reported that their clinicians and counselors working their advocacy centers and hotlines, available 24 hours a day at 1-800-4-A-CHILD), are already noticing a connection between the current financial crisis and child abuse and neglect.
A 2007 study estimated that the annual financial cost to society due to child abuse and neglect in the U.S. is over 100 billion dollars.
The cost of the abuse and neglect beyond financial is far worse, emotionally crippled adults that are not successful and productive parts of a community.
Remember the concern for child abuse and neglect following Hurricane Katrina?
The same is true for our current financial crisis, our nations children could be at risk for child abuse. Be aware and ready to take steps to avoid child abuse and neglect during times of stress.
Suggested Articles:Katherine Heigl Interested in Adoption
Katherine Heigl was recently interviewed by The Insider and shared her interest in being a future adoptive parent. She has a sister that was adopted from Korea and feels that being an adoptive parent is a way for her to honor her sister and her mother. "If you can give one child that [a home and family], I don't know why you wouldn't." She also stated that she is "super grateful" for Angelina Jolie and other adoptive parents who have brought about adoption awareness. Heard that she and Brad are looking into adopting another child soon. No word on when or from what country.
Ms. Heigl is very right, there is a huge need for more adoptive homes and with November and National Adoption Month coming up - it's time to start thinking about those 129,000 children in foster homes right now awaiting a foster care adoption.
SOURCE:Katherine Heigl Addresses Adoption Rumors - The Insider
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