I feel that the success or failure of a reunion is left to the attitudes and preparation of all involved. I know my children will return to their birth homes, at least for a visit. We have told them that we’ll help them search once they turn eighteen or graduate from high school. We keep lines of communication open and have lifebooks prepared for each of our children.
I know that they miss their birth families. They came to our foster home at ages twelve, ten, and eight. I don’t want them to get lost in the fantasy and lose us, and we lose them. Or worse yet, lose themselves.
When making your decision for contact now or preparing for contact later, consider the following:
Consult a therapist. Someone to talk to through this process is very important, for all three sides of the triad.
Consider starting the contact in small steps such as through letters/cards/e-mail and phone calls before progressing to visits.
Have respect for all sides of the adoption triad. Any belittling remark affects your child and your relationship with the child. Think before you speak. The adoptive and birth parent don’t have to like each other, but you are tied together through the adoptee. Be respectful of the roles each of you hold, birth parent, adoptive parent, and adoptee. Each important to the life of the adoptee!
Check your expectations, are they realistic? Are they considerate of all sides involved?
