When reading a photolisting of waiting children hoping to be matched in a foster care adoption, the little paragraph explaining the needs of the child may seem a bit underwhelming. Some of the child's behavioral needs are mentioned, but so are the needs of the prospective adoptive parents. What can you learn about a child in such a few short sentences? More than you realize if you know what to look for, and more importantly, what questions to ask for more information.
Here are a few of the most common phrases used to describe the adoptive family or parent needs for waiting children.
Provide one on one attention. This child will need for you to be free to spend time in activities engaging the child. The child may not be able to entertain herself very well. She may also seek attention by constantly being in your space.
Have understanding and patience with past abuse and neglect issues and how they relate to behavior. The adoptive parents of this child need to know and understand how a child's view of the world changes after suffering from abuse and neglect. It is important that the adoptive parents have taken necessary training to fully understand what the child has endured. Ask: What types of behavior is the child displaying? How was the child abused or neglected?
Adoptive parents need to be banded together and have a strong, united front style of parenting. This child may have a history of manipulation or triangulation with parents. Meaning he will try to divide the parents and play them against each other to get his needs met. Adoptive parents need to be in constant communication and on the same "parenting page". Try not to disagree about parenting issues in front of the child.
Provide structure and establish a routine. This child does better when he knows what to expect. A lot of free, unstructured time may be too much for this child to handle successfully. Ask: Has the foster parents been successful with the child? What does their routine or structure look like?
Set clear rules and consequences. This child may be adept at manipulating and blurring unclear lines and will do best in a home where nothing is left to speculate when it comes to the rules of the home. It's also best if this child knows exactly what to expect if the rules are broken.
Be supportive of child's ongoing relationship with members of the birth family such as siblings or grandparents. This child is requesting continued contact with a member of the birth family. If it is mentioned in the child's profile than this is something that the social workers and therapist feel is a positive thing for the child. Ask: What does the contact look like – phone, visit, or a letter? How often does the contact happen? How does the child behave before, during, and after the contact?
Child would do best in a two-parent home. This child may need extra attention from parents or the child's needs may be overwhelming to most single parents. The adoptive parents of this child may need the extra support of a partner in order for the family to be successful in the long term.
Child would like an active family. This child likes to be on the go doing things in the community or with the family. A family that likes to sit around most evenings and weekends would not fit this child's needs. Ask: What types of activities does the child enjoy?
Needs a family that is flexible in working with the school and assisting school staff when needed. This child struggles with behaviors in school and needs a parent that has the type of schedule that allows for visits to the school. The adoptive parents for this child will also need to be able to advocate on behalf of the child in order to receive needed services to help the school day go more smoothly. Ask: What types of behaviors or issues is the child having at school? What interventions are helping the child?
Other phrases used in waiting children profiles with similar meaning include: Needs a family that is able to advocate for the child's educational needs.
Return to How to Better Understand the Profiles of Waiting Children.
