Part of being a foster parent is mentoring a foster child's birth family. Many birth parents have slacked in taking their children to necessary medical appointments, often due to the lack of insurance or transportation to the doctor's office. Some birth parents may feel uncomfortable as they may not know what questions to ask a doctor, how to comfort their frightened child, or what information to have handy.
Birth parents joining foster parents at medical appointments for their children is one way foster parents can mentor birth parents and help them be more involved in their child's health care.
This notion may seem intimidating to some foster parents, so I asked my friend, who is a very experienced foster parent and has successfully mentored several birth parents. Here is what she shared about being a role model to birth parents at medical appointments.- Pick a date that works for the medical appointment. Confirm a date and time for the medical appointment that works for you, the foster parent as well as the birth parent.
- Confirm the location. Provide directions, if needed to the clinic or doctor's office.
- Be warm and receptive. Greet the birth parent and let them know how happy you are that they could make it to the medical appointment. Make sure your body language reflects that as well.
- Review how the child is doing. Spend time in the waiting room updating the birth parent on how the child is doing. Let them know if the child has been sick, symptoms etc. If it is a follow up let them know how the child is responding to the medication, etc.
- Make introductions as necessary. Introduce the birth parent, if this is a first time appointment for the birth parent, "This is Gabe's mom." Allow the mom to answer questions that she has knowledge of. This is a great time for both you and the doctor to learn the family and child's medical history. Do more listening, at this point, than talking.
- Make room for mom to be mom. Allow the birth parent to assist with the child during the exam. My friend shared that she had a birth parent look to her for help comforting her child during the appointment. Do not look at this as a failure on the birth parent's part but a chance for you to model and mentor.
- Be a role model for the providers too. On several occasions the health care providers appeared nervous with both foster and birth parent present at a medical appointment. Your behavior will help ease the situation. My friend explained how she handled a touchy situation, "The first time the doctor asked why the child was in care they looked at me. I looked to the birth parent and allowed her to respond."
- Speak up, but wait your turn. Do not be afraid to ask questions. Sometimes birth parents do not know what to ask. However, be cautious not to dominate the appointment and put the birth parent on the defensive.
- Repeat the process for the next medical appointments. Schedule follow up medical appointments that fit into both of your schedules.
Many experienced foster parents have shared how they enjoy birth parents accompanying them on medical appointments. It does not have to be stressful.
