Help the foster child learn good boundaries by not allowing the foster child to immediately climb into your lap. Some kids will just latch right on to you and this may feel good as a grandparent, but not appropriate for kids who need to learn good boundaries such as kids with attachment disorder. Also, don't throw your arms around the foster child and smother him with tons of those wonderful grandparent kisses and hugs. This would be an invasion of the child's space by a stranger and could be very scary for a new foster child who is being placed in your family. Build up to a close relationship over time.
Teach the foster child the rules of your home. Be kind, gentle, and patient. The child has been in a number of new environments and situations since being placed in foster care. She may already be overwhelmed with it all.
Be supportive of your child’s decision to be a foster parent. Fostering can be stressful and nothing adds to this stress than not feeling supported by family.
Treat all of the children the same with the same rules. Many families try to make-up for past hurts by feeling sorry for foster children and not holding the foster children accountable for their actions. Take this opportunity to teach the foster children about accountability.
Over time try to get to know the foster child as an individual.
- Be a grandma or grandpa to the foster children by teaching them a hobby or simply baking cookies with them. Most foster children have never had the opportunity for normalcy and to feel special with a trusted adult doing normal every day things.
- Participate in the child’s special days such as birthdays and school programs.
- Keep a connection with your own birth grandchildren by remembering to take special individual time with them. Many kids whose families do foster care feel lost in the foster care shuffle. Don’t allow this to happen to your birth grandchildren.
- Don’t “buy” the child’s love by purchasing a ton of gifts. Many foster children have not had a “real” grandparent experience. Take this opportunity to fill a child’s emotional and self-esteem needs with the gift of your time.
- Ask your family if there are issues you need to be aware of such as stealing or if the foster child has certain fears. The foster parents should be able to share some information with you without breaking confidentiality. This is to keep you safe and the child comfortable. Don't be afraid to ask and then spend time with the child in a way that makes you both feel comfortable.
10 Ways for a Grandparent to Welcome a Foster Child into the Family
By Carrie Craft, About.com
Explore Adoption / Foster Care
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