Potty training a foster child can be a challenge, but also may present a wonderful opportunity co-parenting with the birth family. Here are some things to consider when starting the potty training process as well as ways to co-parent with the birth family.
Tip: Be sure to get social worker approval for outings with birthparents as suggested below.
The Do's
- First and foremost consider the timing. If family reunification, when the child is integrated back into his/her birth home, is near it may not be a great time to start potty training. Many children regress during times of stress. This regression may affect toilet habits as well.
- Help birth parents understand potty training. Most parents feel lost when it comes to potty training, but parents who are already dealing with a lot of issues may feel very overwhelmed. You can help them with this by providing resources such as books or consider printing off helpful potty training articles from About.com such as what our Guide to Pediatrics has to offer.
- Decide on incentives and charts with the birth family. If the family is not involved during the planning process of potty training and you already have something started such as a sticker chart or a treat jar, make sure that the family has the needed incentives during each visit. Also, make sure to pack enough pull-ups or extra undies in case of accidents. Consistency is the key to successful potty training.
- Make sure the family understands that punishment for accidents is not appropriate.
- Invite the family for a shopping trip to pick out pull-ups, underwear, step stools or potty chairs. Does the family need a potty chair? Help the family prepare for potty training in their own home. This does NOT mean you purchase these items!
- Teach the parents the times the child is used to potty breaks. Are they before and after naps or after lunch? Consider writing up a detailed schedule. Invite the parent to send a schedule home so that you know how the day went.
- Invite the parent to accompany you with the child when you potty him/her. This will present many parenting lessons. You will be able to:
- show the parents your potty routine first hand
- model appropriate praise
- model how to speak easy to understand instructions to the child
- show the parents how to clean the child after the bathroom break
- demonstrate helping the child wash up afterwards
- Give the birth parent tips and clues on dressing the child in outfits that the child can easily unbutton at bathroom breaks. A complicated outfit may mean more accidents and frustration for all involved.
The Don'ts
- You do not have to make a big production out of the these teaching moments by announcing that you are now going to teach the parents this or that. Just be natural, be yourself - your role modeling will be enough.
- Do not make the mistake of assuming that the birth parent will know how to do the above things. Some parents do not know how to tuck in a child at bedtime. Potty training may be a great bonding time for the child and his/her birth parent.
Remember: By filling the birth family in on the above information you are providing consistency for the child and empowerment for the birth parents. Both are needed for a successful family reunification!
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