I contacted Mike and Tanya Mulligan, an adoptive couple that I first met when they were featured on a 20/20 special about Russian adoption and the problems within that system. I knew they had an opinion on Torry Hansen and the drama she created when she bought a one-way ticket back to Russia for her 7-year-old adopted son. A flight he took solo.
Back to Page 1 of the Interview
The Lawsuit
Carrie Craft - "You have a law suit pending - can you talk about that yet? (the last time we spoke you could not) Who is it against and what are you hoping to accomplish or prove?"
Tanya Mulligan - "Can't really comment too much on the lawsuit since it is still ongoing. Our goal or what we hope to accomplish, is to secure a future for Slater in a private institution that can care for him and his needs for the rest of his days. In that process we hope to restore some sort of normalcy for my husband and I as well as the girls."
Mike Mulligan - "Our suit is still very much alive. As typical with any case these days, the wheels of justice move slowly. It is very important that perspective adoptive parents research and understand the true pitfalls of adoption from out-of-country. Tanya and I truly believe that many (adoption) agencies are not being honest with parents. How is it possible that these children (many of which are teenagers) only come with a few sentences worth of history? Language barrier is a problem that seems to be used against vulnerable parents."
Changing the Adoption Process and Broken System
Carrie Craft - "What would you change about the international adoption process? Especially considering Russia - or do you see issues with international adoptions period?"
Mike Mulligan - "Parents typically enter into international adoption with the best of intentions. With all of the forms, studies and medical clearances that need to be completed prior to adoption, it is very easy to lose track of what is important. Ask questions. Question your social workers. Make sure you have adequate savings available for when things go wrong."
Tanya Mulligan - "This system is broken on both sides but it starts on the Russian side. The American couples invest so much time, emotion and yes, money, into the process that they feel committed to NOT come home empty handed. These couples and singles parents have a false sense of security when they travel to Russia by the agencies. The reality is that you are alone in a strange country, with strangers that you are trusting to look out for your best interests. In reality, you are forced to travel with thousands of dollars strapped to your body, that you can't declare in customs, hand over most of that money to a Russian national that works for the adoption agency. There is no paper trail, receipt or going back at that point. The Russians are calling all of the shots. On top of that, lets not forget about the "gifts" that you have to give to everyone along the way to make sure your adoption will go through. More like bribes, to be perfectly honest. Then there are the children. Why are there so many of them in orphanages over there? Most were born to mothers who drank (heavily) during the pregnancy or to prostitutes with some form of venereal disease. Those kids don't have a chance in country, so, they market them to other countries."
The Future for the Mulligan Family
Tanya Mulligan - "I am hoping to get Margarita graduated from high school and possibly into a technical school. Elena wants to go to college and get a scholarship for cheer leading.We are very worried and stressed about Slater's future. He will need to be taken care of for the rest of his life. I don't know where that leaves us."
Mike Mulligan - "From the moment our Son wakes until the moment he goes to sleep we have to be acutely aware of his activities. It is frustrating to have to monitor basic daily activities such as tooth brushing, since he is twelve years old. Due to his disabilities, we do not believe he will lead an independent life."
Carrie Craft - "How is your marriage holding up? What keeps you going? Is there life after parenting?"
Tanya Mulligan - "So far our marriage is holding up. Some days are better than others. We long for a day when we can relax and just be ourselves. Right now we are thankful for each other. When one is having a very bad day the other picks up the slack and vise a versa."
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I'm so very grateful that the Mulligans are so willing to share a bit of their lives, especially since they took so many personal hits and attacks the last time they allowed the world into their home.
It's nice to know people that not only know how you feel, but understand what it means to be worn out by behaviors. Perhaps that's what more adoptive parents need, understanding ears and soft shoulders to cry on. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to that understands.
I was not surprised to find an understanding couple in Mike and Tanya Mulligan, we adopted from our State's foster care system, and they adopted from Russia. But when we share our concerns, and different behaviors we have seen in our children, there is a strong similarity.
So let's keep that in mind, instead of judging these families offer to be a support to them. Until you have walked a day in their life, you really have no clue.
