I asked the forum members for help with this one and received a variety of responses which is not surprising as adoption reunion is such a personal event. I thank gobosox, M, nousvivons, Southernroots, and rhiannon1311 for their openness and honesty about a personal and sensitive topic.
While Your Adopted Child Enters into an Adoption Reunion
1. Acknowledge the fact that your child is now an adult.
Know that your child is own the road towards a deeper understanding of him/herself. Your child is now an adult child. Your actions and reactions to his/her adoption search will only pull you closer or push you apart as you now enter into an adult relationship with your child. It is not unusual for a reunion with birth family to bring adoptees and adoptive parents closer to each other. Choose to grow closer.
2. Locate understanding, supportive people.
Family, friends, and others who understand adoption reunion will be very helpful to you at this time, especially people who have been there. It's also important to seek out those from all sides of the triad so that you can further understand the other partys feelings and role in reunion. Surf the Internet for forums, chat rooms, and other groups in your area.
3. Be a suppportive person for your child.
It will be up to the adoptee to decide upon how much of the search and reunion to share with you as his/her adoptive parents, but your love and support will be needed the most at this time. You can share in your child's delight or disappointment during the search and reunion process. Both experiences are very emotionally draining. Again, this may bring you closer to your child.
4. Educate yourself.
Read all you can about adoption issues and reunion.
5. Know that your child's need to search is not your failure.
Your adult child's interest in an adoption search and reunion could mean that you have succeeded as an adoptive parent. Your child must have high self-confidence, be brave, as well as strength, to attempt a search. That is a huge accomplishment for a parent.
Final thoughts from rhiannon1311:
Remember that while the reunion is between the birth parents and the adoptee that it will affect others too, it will change the whole family dynamic. rhiannnon1311 (Birth Mother and Adoptive Mother)