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Readers Respond: If I Could Change the Foster Care System I Would...

Responses: 111


You don't have to be a foster parent to know that that there are always ways to improve upon the foster care system. It seems that no matter where we go in the world, the problems, concerns and short comings with the foster care system remain the same.

So take this moment and share. No matter where you are in the world or how you play a part in the foster care system. If you could change it, what would you do?

Finish the Sentence

I have a plan....

We have been waiting to adopt our child almost six years and we've had him since he was a baby. Why? because Dept. social services wanted to give her yet another shot. 9 children later, 20 years draining the system and 9 lives destroyed just to give her another shot. Babies cant wait for parents to grow up. My plan; You have 2 chances, after that - every child you give birth to goes to one of the thousands of wonderful loving family's who want to adopt, raise and love a child. This is a no brainer, put Children first!
—Guest Children first -Mom

provide better support for all

Fostering is not "making us rich". I've been caring for a child since May under a "safety plan". There is NO reimbursement for daycare costs I've paid ($165/week), food, clothing (7 yr old child came just the clothes on her back), agency couldn't get her medical ins. so I paid all medical bills myself, etc., The state took 3+ months to get custody. The stipend (when it starts) will be about $200 less than the monthly daycare costs. Bio-dad isn't in picture, bio-mom isn't following recommendations to stop drinking & stripping for $ at dive bars & getting into cars with strange men that she just happens to meet. But they want to work on "reunifying" her with the child, who doesn't want to call or see her, not because bio-mom used to beat on her while drunk, but because bio-mom won't accept she needs to change. It took 4 months for the girl to stop having nightmares & wetting the bed at night (prime beating time before)... Bio-mom claims no one will help her to get better. Everyone loses

Foster Care

I came from foster care ,Group home places I never want to see or think about again in my life I was 11 years old . a mother that at the time and now 30 years a more later finally said good bye about two year's ago I kept praying but . in everything we say goodbye. but the reason I started this was from I just reading kkc , Please stay love 3- different family's wanted to adopt me even how old I was . But I never did I thought it would hurt My Mother too much , But she loved her self more ? Please stay I remember too how good it was to feel that love caring , I just thought I could teach my Mother , I day . but never the lees . I did pass my love to someone Who was worth it. My son who has more love in him and I for him . People who haven't been in foster Care . Can't Understand that Feeling of being a child alone , when you just want to be loved cared about respect ettc.. Things that even as an adult you hope for , But you are taught this too . Please pay attention be love
—Guest sunshine

2 strike you're out

Bio parents, after 2 strikes, should lose rights, no wonder we have 2 foster kids in our home taken away twice been here over 2yrs and DCS stills wants to give back. Note both times - same thing - Manufacturing meth. Stop the cycle. You will see crime rates and drop out and drug use will drop in the future.
—Guest Tracy

Rest when I find them.

What made the decision? Who oked My kids to just disappear? I never gave up. I never will! My kids are mine! I didnt loose them. They were not taken from me. I am their moma and they are somewhere in the state of California that is the last place they Are now older the twins girls Corie, & Carlie 15 & my son Anakin 14 I havent hugged them since they were babies ng about anyone of them. How does a person or plantiff do whatever they have done and nothing has become of anything. I have Two perfect
—Guest Jonni

God first

Unfortunately, too many people foster based on what they don't have instead of out of an excess. If we all fostered because we want to give back and restore more families instead of for the money or out of a lack of birth parents. All this being said, no one is going to get it right, not the birth parents, not the foster parents, nor the system workers unless God is first in their life. Only experiencing his unconditional love can we even half way love our neighbors. Oh, and please drug test parents every day during the time they are in foster care and for two years afterwards. Use blood tests and be smarter than the user. Caseworkers are way too lenient. Drugs almost took the life of my foster child. It could have been prevented if drug tests and proper drug test were randomly admitted, especially before visits. Like duh- common sense!!!
—Guest America restored

Stop giving them back to unfit parents

I have seen this over and over where parents are given so many chances. I am sorry but if the mother was using drugs when pregnant she was abusing a child. Strike one....Then some fool government worker comes along and says she should clean up her life and keep her child. Really...the woman is a drug addict and admits it and can't take care of her child. She admits it, why are you giving her another chance when she doesn't want it. I know there are some that can clean up their act but putting a child in and out of a home is not good for them. You wonder why kids are all screwed up and then do this. they need a stable home that is loving and looks out for the child. I know two people very close to me who have had their hearts broken over and over because they loved their foster kids and wanted to adopt them, but NO the government decided different. We can never help this kids unless the cycle is broken, and sometimes that means the bio parents do not get to keep messing them up
—Guest grannyB



Tear it down and re- build.

Our children are trapped in an extremely corrupt system and are being ruined by the very people whose care they are placed in. Many years of fostering has led me to know that this system is beyond repair.
—Guest Helpourkids


all you foster parents need to realize that you're not all fit for the job...it takes a lot more then you think to take care of kids....a lot of you disgust me in doing it for the money...Ive been in care my whole life and have had very awesome parents and parents that went to jail years later after telling my worker that he was touching me and hurting me ...he is now in jail.....i believe foster parents should also have lived the life so they can understand how that kid feels.......this isn't about the money so you can get new things,,,this is about a child's life that you are now taking care of ...children with sever problems.Ive had two brothers commit suicide in foster care due to the lack of the workers not listening and taking the time to sit down and ask them what they needed help with .......really like wow guys ....start looking at it from the kids point...and not at your bank account....
—Guest chantal hutley

Proud Father of LilWilly

Foster care drastically needs to change. There are too many negative effects on children being in foster care. Some foster parents break the laws & regulations as well, in their own handbook at that. Our son has been taken now for 380 days in temporary custody. The foster mom is sleeping with our child, feeding our 5 year old baby formula, meanwhile lilwilly was eating steak etc with mommy & daddy. His teeth are now rotted out of his head because the foster parents admitted to the cas that they could not brush his teeth. Lilwilly is still in diapers. There are methods for training a developmentally challenged child & all fosters are suppose to know this before becoming a foster. Our child has been traumatized from fosters & cas. Taken from us for apparently being under weight & non verbal, meanwhile he hasn't gained any weight in 380 days, he remains at 28 pounds at the age of 5. It's not so much change in foster care, the rules & regulations should be enforced more. Our youth come first.
—Guest Will

Make Foster Care All About the Kids

My husband and I are fostering our 2 youngest grandchildren. This is the second time they've been taken away from their mom. This time she was manufacturing and had 4 counts of child endangerment. But because she pretends to care about her kids and is going thru programs she is being given more time with the kids. The kids lives are turned upside down as well as ours. DHS tells us to take the kids out of school in order to have the time to run them to all the appointments and visits they have to go to. We are being forced to take the kids to visit a man who is not related to them but lived with their mom for awhile. This man is in a Dads program, which is nothing more than a jail for men who have kids living with them. There are several men in this house w/no supervision and our granddaughter was sexually molested the last time she was placed back with her mother. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing and expecting different results yet that is exactly what DHS keeps doing.

If I Could Change the Foster Care System

I would create family style foster homes to afford every child a family with love, parents, and siblings!
—Guest Cookie

More information should be disclosed

We recently agreed to take in 3 foster children (a sibling group). I specifically asked if there were any special needs, as there were so many kids. I was told there were none...just normal average kids. We've come to discover 2 of them have Oppositional Defiance Disorder and fight us constantly. My house has been destroyed by them. They kick, spit on me, destroy things, etc. We have no support. I've begged. I've called their counselors. I've been told we can see a counselor next month. We aren't sure if we can do this. We might have to send them back in...which I hate, but we just aren't equipped to deal with this. :(

Be thankful for those who foster

If you can foster better than I, please do. Otherwise listen to the people who have taken these children when you didn't. I agree with some others, bio parents should have no more than a year to get their act together. When we give them more time, we are not expecting them to act like adults, so how can they act like parents? It hurts the kids EVERY time. These "adults" should be expected to help pay for the care of their children until they turn 18- just like child support. This would provide money for care and resources. Kinship placements should be looked at more carefully to see if it is really in the best interest of the child. Forever families should be a rule for every child coming into care, unless they can return home in the year. These kids get bounced around and we act like it's OK and there was no other choice. AND then we wonder why they have behavior or attachment issues. Kids should always have a home.

Finish the Sentence

If I Could Change the Foster Care System I Would...

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