Readers Respond: If I Could Change the Foster Care System I Would...

You don't have to be a foster parent to know that that there are always ways to improve upon the foster care system. It seems that no matter where we go in the world, the problems, concerns and short comings with the foster care system remain the same.

So take this moment and share. No matter where you are in the world or how you play a part in the foster care system. If you could change it, what would you do?

Tear it down and re- build.

Our children are trapped in an extremely corrupt system and are being ruined by the very people whose care they are placed in. Many years of fostering has led me to know that this system is beyond repair.

—Guest Helpourkids

wtf

all you foster parents need to realize that you're not all fit for the job...it takes a lot more then you think to take care of kids....a lot of you disgust me in doing it for the money...Ive been in care my whole life and have had very awesome parents and parents that went to jail years later after telling my worker that he was touching me and hurting me ...he is now in jail.....i believe foster parents should also have lived the life so they can understand how that kid feels.......this isn't about the money so you can get new things,,,this is about a child's life that you are now taking care of ...children with sever problems.Ive had two brothers commit suicide in foster care due to the lack of the workers not listening and taking the time to sit down and ask them what they needed help with .......really like wow guys ....start looking at it from the kids point...and not at your bank account....

—Guest chantal hutley

Proud Father of LilWilly

Foster care drastically needs to change. There are too many negative effects on children being in foster care. Some foster parents break the laws & regulations as well, in their own handbook at that. Our son has been taken now for 380 days in temporary custody. The foster mom is sleeping with our child, feeding our 5 year old baby formula, meanwhile lilwilly was eating steak etc with mommy & daddy. His teeth are now rotted out of his head because the foster parents admitted to the cas that they could not brush his teeth. Lilwilly is still in diapers. There are methods for training a developmentally challenged child & all fosters are suppose to know this before becoming a foster. Our child has been traumatized from fosters & cas. Taken from us for apparently being under weight & non verbal, meanwhile he hasn't gained any weight in 380 days, he remains at 28 pounds at the age of 5. It's not so much change in foster care, the rules & regulations should be enforced more. Our youth come first.

—Guest Will

Make Foster Care All About the Kids

My husband and I are fostering our 2 youngest grandchildren. This is the second time they've been taken away from their mom. This time she was manufacturing and had 4 counts of child endangerment. But because she pretends to care about her kids and is going thru programs she is being given more time with the kids. The kids lives are turned upside down as well as ours. DHS tells us to take the kids out of school in order to have the time to run them to all the appointments and visits they have to go to. We are being forced to take the kids to visit a man who is not related to them but lived with their mom for awhile. This man is in a Dads program, which is nothing more than a jail for men who have kids living with them. There are several men in this house w/no supervision and our granddaughter was sexually molested the last time she was placed back with her mother. The definition of crazy is doing the same thing and expecting different results yet that is exactly what DHS keeps doing.

—Fostergrandmother

If I Could Change the Foster Care System

I would create family style foster homes to afford every child a family with love, parents, and siblings!

—Guest Cookie

More information should be disclosed

We recently agreed to take in 3 foster children (a sibling group). I specifically asked if there were any special needs, as there were so many kids. I was told there were none...just normal average kids. We've come to discover 2 of them have Oppositional Defiance Disorder and fight us constantly. My house has been destroyed by them. They kick, spit on me, destroy things, etc. We have no support. I've begged. I've called their counselors. I've been told we can see a counselor next month. We aren't sure if we can do this. We might have to send them back in...which I hate, but we just aren't equipped to deal with this. :(

—Souxiekue

Be thankful for those who foster

If you can foster better than I, please do. Otherwise listen to the people who have taken these children when you didn't. I agree with some others, bio parents should have no more than a year to get their act together. When we give them more time, we are not expecting them to act like adults, so how can they act like parents? It hurts the kids EVERY time. These "adults" should be expected to help pay for the care of their children until they turn 18- just like child support. This would provide money for care and resources. Kinship placements should be looked at more carefully to see if it is really in the best interest of the child. Forever families should be a rule for every child coming into care, unless they can return home in the year. These kids get bounced around and we act like it's OK and there was no other choice. AND then we wonder why they have behavior or attachment issues. Kids should always have a home.

—Pebbles743

Start by.....

Seriously screening all applicants for foster parents. I would also make every effort to try to help the biological moms--after all most of them at least love their children. I have seen such very poor foster homes that are in it for money--and yes the money is good at least where I live.

—Guest anonymous

I would ....

Change the fact that everything is so confusing and in a way shady. This past week or two has been shady and it has just down right sucked. The whole social worker thing isn't fair at all either , "they're over worked , they don't get paid diddly" oh come on they signed up for this job and knew what they were getting into... basically your saying because they are worn out they can just throw a broken teenager or child into the wind and hope a decent worker catches them... no I'm sorry but that isn't cool. I haven't been switched around but that's probably because I'm a new born to this whole foster care thing , compared to some who have been here 2 years and have had 10 social workers. I know if that would happen to me I wouldn't be a happy foster kid.

—Guest Shelby Luna (foster child)

I never grew up.

As an adult who was taken at 11, or rather dropped off on the road, they never tried to help my mother and it was easier for her to just give up then to try. I have serious PTSD associated with how I was treated in care, many things happened and I can't believe some of those people are foster parents..... I now have three children of my own and I DO struggle. From 11-17 I was in 10 foster homes, the ones I was in taught me how to follow the leader, do what I was told and shut up. When I aged out I was homeless and had no where to go, no skills as an adult - had never driven a car... I still have a hard time dealing with stuff. The foster system places children with dysfunctional foster parents and as this isn't always the case I would say 95% of the foster homes I have heard of should NEVER EVER had children placed with them! The minority is good foster parents and social workers, I hope one day people start treating children as children and not as some file.....

—Guest PTSD

What I Like About Foster Care

I came into foster when I was 13yrs old and it was a really tough time for me. I came away from everything I knew but I knew it was for the good of me. Since being in foster care I have been in three foster placements. I have learned that its OK to be upset and I have also learned how to wash myself and my hair properly. I have learn't how to smile which i didn't do before so I love foster care and I never want to leave.

—Guest kkc

Protecting Our Innocent Children

I live in Canton, Ohio I would like to see change in the foster care system here in my area some kids do need foster care some kids don't need foster care a lot of innocent children have been wrongfully taken / put for adoption / sale we need to come together in all states we have to fix the foster care system innocent children do need to be protected children that should not have been taken need to be back home with their loving parents / families I'm willing to work with everyone in all states LET'S all join together for all of our innocent children we have to be the voice for our children I would like for everyone to e-mail me kindnessohio@att.net

—Guest kindness

Frustrated Grandmother

Give rights to Grandparents and the children. The children shouldn't be forced to see their biological parents if they don't want to or if it is causing ANY and I mean ANY problems for the children, especially those with special needs.

—Guest Kim

Broken System

BEFORE BLAMING PARENTS FOR BEING UNFIT, UNDERSTAND THAT THE PEOPLE THAT ARE IN THE CYCLE/SYSTEM OF FOSTER CARE AS WELL AS THE CYCLE OF JAIL ARE THE PRODUCT OF TODAY'S AMERICA. ONCE YOU REMOVE A KID YOUR ALREADY SAYING THAT THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO HELP THE PARENT SEE WHAT THINKING ERRORS THEY ARE STRUGGLING WITH, THAT MEANS YOU WILL NOT KNOW HOW TO TEACH THE KIDS WAYS TO PREVENT IT! ONCE YOU REMOVE THE KIDS FROM THE ONLY PERSON THEY KNOW FOR A FACT LOVED THEM AS BEST AS THEY KNEW HOW THEN THEY GIVE UP ON LIFE ASSUMING THEY'RE OLD ENOUGH TO TALK. this system is the PERFECT plan TO ENSURE that kids will find their way to the next SYSTEM! DESPERATION IS SOMETHING THAT MOST "WELL OFF" PEOPLE WILL NEVER FEEL SO I DON'T DOUBT YOUR BLINDNESS TURNS TO INTOLERANCE, HOWEVER IT IS THE MAIN FACTOR IN THE DOWNFALL OF EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE THAT HAS EVER BEEN MADE. LEARN TO "WATER YOUR DYING PLANTS AND MOVE THEM TO THE LIGHT" INSTEAD OF CUTTING ALL BUT THE ROOT AND HOPING FOR A DIFFERENT OUTCOME!

—Guest Stephen

Find More Support to Keep Families Whole

7 weeks ago, I put my children first. I filed a report against their father, my huband, for abuse and neglect. I left with all 7 of my babies in tow. DSS forced me to go back stating I had removed them in the incorrect manner and if I didn't return them I would go to jail. So, I took a leave of absence from my job and stayed full time. When the worker came we were given 3 options: Dad leave the home, me and kids leave the home, or the children go into foster care. He refused, I could find nowhere in 30 min for us to go. So they took them. Now I have to have supervised visits when I am the one who has tried to protect. Has anyone said, "How can we help you find a place to live? What can we do to protect you from your husband so that we know the family will be safe from him? Sure we know you have to start over so here are some places to help you furnish your home since you cant get anything from him." No! I am kept from them, hearing them scream for me as I walk away after a visit!

—Guest Memrie