Readers Respond: Why I Don't Like Breastfeeding Adoptive Mothers

Adoptive breastfeeding is a hot button topic in the adoption community. Each person seems to have their own reason as to why adoptive breastfeeding is just plain, wrong. Some point to it being unnatural, others say it's unhealthy due to the drugs often prescribed to the nursing mothers, while a few say it's a slap in the face to the biological mother.

If you believe breastfeeding adoptive mothers is wrong, then please share your reasons.
If you are breastfeeding an adopted child or have in the past, then please share your story here - How and Why I Decided that Adoptive Breastfeeding Was Right for Me and My Baby

She tells me all I need to know

I am the proud mommy of an 8 month old little girl. She was born premature at 28 weeks, and spent the first 3 months of her life on a ventilator with a g-tube. All this because of her bio mother's choice to do drugs while pregnant. The way I see it, I am making a better choice for MY daughter, than her birth mother ever did. When she is fussy, my daughter settles to my breast and relaxes immediately. When she is hungry, she looks to me. I am her mother, and I made the choice to breastfeed my daughter. The fact that she seeks my breast for her needs and comfort, tells me everything I need to know. Proud breastfeeding adoptive mommy :)

—Guest Adopting Mommy

Keeping Covered

I didn't vote yet as my daughter is 13 months and still breastfeeding as her primary source of nourishment and I don't yet know if we will be going past 18 months or past 24 months it will depend a lot on her and the situation when we get there. My goal is to do the best thing for her but that also means doing what is good for me so we will see. Also, as far as covering up I did try to be discreet about it because I believe that shoving something down people's throats is not the best way to advocate it. I mainly tried to make sure that if someone looked at us that they would not see something that they wouldn't see just from my normal dress (I hope that makes sense). After she was a bit older I had to be more careful about nursing in public because she would all of a sudden whip her head off my breast and leave me completely exposed. I have still not figured out how to deal with this in public even with a cover which she does not prefer at all! So we usually nurse in the company of others who are not going to be offended by seeing my boobs! I think for me though that the driving force is obviously not how easy it is for me but most things worth doing are usually not easy even though that is the way Americans have come to want EVERYTHING!

—Guest LiVaphorVhczkPUH

Birth Mom Perspective

I am near the end of carrying an unplanned pregnancy, we have found adoptive parents for the baby.. I am so glad that my chosen mom has decided to try to breast feed. I believe the benefits outweigh the costs.. We need to support adoptive moms in this decision and treat them like real mothers with real abilities to breast feed. I plan on nursing for a few days as well, our baby will have the best of both worlds. I thank my adoptive mom for breast feeding and pumping for 3 months ahead of time it shows true dedication to motherhood. At the end of the day it's about putting the baby first.

—sbondy1

re: Interesting by Adult GuestAdoptee

You don't like it for "reasons of perinatal psychology"? Yeah, god-forbid a child might actually make a strong emotional bond to a parental figure via the smoothest, most natural venue! Adopted babies definitely need to have their options for secure emotional attachment methods limited even further! Sorry about the sarcasm, but breastmilk offers so many amazing physical and emotional benefits that I think telling a mom, adoptive or not, that she can't do it is just plain wrong. Any argument having to do with the birth mother is a bad argument. When a mother gives up legal rights to her kid, she officially no longer has any right dictating how the child should be raised. Who's to tell an adoptive mommy that she "can do everything she thinks is best for her baby...unless it has an ick factor?" Seriously? That ick factor in many cases boils down to racism. No one wants a Hispanic adoptive mommy and her white supportive hubby nursing a little black baby? I do! Breast is best!

—Guest nadiyasmama

Why Not Breastfeed Adoptive Child?

It has always been common throughout history for women to use wet nurses so why shouldn't a loving adoptive mom nurse the baby? How does it insult a biological mom who does not want the baby? As for hormones, etc, there are all sorts of hormones pumped into the cows who produce the milk formula is made of and it is unnatural for a species to drink the milk of another species. Humans are just abnormal that way. There is no coercion or pressure- the couple are adopting a baby a woman has decided to put up for adoption. Wanting to breastfeed shows that they really do want the baby.

—Guest Terri

Adoptive Breastfeeding

I think it is fairly typical of people in general to have negative feelings toward breastfeeding, which is ridiculous. Since the beginning of time, "wet nurses" served as surrogates for mother's milk. Until the late 1800's, the negative attitudes toward breastfeeding has increased due to the desire to ween children off the breast, and latch onto a bottle. Patriarchal attitudes about breastfeeding is reflective of this. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding, it is natural. More than natural is a mother's desire to nurse her child. Had my daughter been adopted at a much earlier age, I would have breastfed her. Whomever parents the child is the parent, and therefore, there should not remain an archaic idea about breastfeeding being negative. Ever.

—Guest yaelyy

Breastfeeding Is For Biological Mothers

It's so unheard of.......I just plain think it's wrong!!

—Guest Norma

Interesting

I dislike the idea of breast feeding an adopted baby for various reasons involving perinatal psychology. However, I do appreciate you mentioning coercion and pressure. I am sure meeting a couple who desperately wants to parent and has a nursery and everything else all set up, including their hopes up that a mother will be surrendering a child to them (hoping a mother surrenders her child.....*sigh*) is pressure enough. I can't imagine it makes it much easier for her to be able to change her mind if they've been preparing to breastfeed too.

—Guest AdultAdoptee