Whether a Young Woman Chooses Adoption, Abortion, or Parenting - Support Is Needed
Many are talking about the 22-year-old woman named Emmie on Lisa Belkin's Motherlode blog. It seems that she wrote to Lisa to say that she found herself unexpectedly pregnant and wasn't sure what to do. Well, Lisa asked her readers for their opinion, and the opinions did come flying, in the number of about 700 blog comments. Some words were judgmental and harsh, others were supportive. In the end, Emmie chose to have an abortion. Her reasons surprised and confused many readers,
"So many of the comments urged me to consider adoption but I already feel so attached to the little zygote inside of me (my friend named it Ziggy) that I don’t think I could carry a baby to term just to give it away. The mere thought of handing my child to someone else, as altruistic as it is, breaks me."
While, I personally don't understand, probably because I haven't been in her shoes - unmarried, pregnant and scared. I have met other women, birth mothers, who have placed their babies for adoption, who would completely understand. Because of these ladies and the wealth of knowledge I've gained from reading their stories on our Adoption forum, I feel compelled to offer a few things to keep in mind for other young women who may find themselves in the same situation as young Emmie.
Numerous times I have read on the Adoption forum the following, "adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Abortion is the same. Permanent. So, expectant mothers remember -
- You don't have to make up your mind immediately. You don't have only 9 months to decide.
- You can try parenting first before choosing to place for adoption.
- An open adoption may be the answer.
- No matter the decision you make, there will be someone to tell you it was the wrong one.
- There is no easy answer - all choices in this situation lead to a certain amount of grief and pain.
While, Emmie chose to terminate the pregnancy to avoid the pain of placing 'Ziggy,' I know of other woman who have made the same choice, abortion, and feel the pain of that loss daily. Saying goodbye just hurts.
No matter the choice, whether it be - single parenting, adoption, or abortion - the woman who made the choice needs the support of family and friends.
Suggested Reading:
Pregnant? Trying to Decide if Adoption Is an Option?
Resources for Expectant Mothers Who Are Exploring Parenting
All About Open Adoption for Birth and Placing Parents
Once You've Decided That Adoption Is Right for Your Baby
I followed this story and felt that the commenters were being used by the blogger.
Read Emmie’s original email. She clearly made the choice to abort before she sent the letter to Lisa Belkin. She was looking for approval.
Tragically she got it.
She has many other options but none are as convenient at a quick procedure. But you are right, it is just as permanent and she will be living with her child for the rest of her life even if she doesn’t give birth.