I've decided that I'm tired of rude people. I'm especially tired of rude people who think a simple, "just kidding" fixes all. I'm also tired of people who seem to believe that since a child is adopted that it's OK to ask questions about the child's "real family" or to say that they don't like a foster or adopted child in my home.
Do they honestly believe that since the children do not share the DNA of the parents that it just will hurt or offend less? We expect this behavior from children, but shouldn't adults just know better? (or am I expecting too much?)
Since school is starting soon, and that seems to be when children have the most issues with nosy classmates and parents may be asked the same tired and rude questions, that we should explore this issue again.
I've met many adoptive parents who have experienced this same behavior. I thought we'd take a bit of time and just vent and share some the rude comments we've received about the children we love.
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Suggested Reading:
- Top Hurtful or Rude Questions and Comments About Your Foster or Adopted Children
- W.I.S.E. Up Powerbook for Adopted Children
- W.I.S.E. Up Powerbook For Children in Foster Care
- Teaching Foster or Adopted Children How to Answer Questions from School Children
- Adoption Book Review: Cross-Cultural Adoption - How to Answer Questions from Family, Friends, and Community
- What Is a Cover Story and How Can It Help Foster Children?
As an adoptee, I can tell you that your child hears this stuff all the time and most of the time will never tell you about it. Why? Because it hurts. The cruelty shown by other children and “grown” adults towards adoptees is disgusting.
Oh, and wait until your child gets assigned that “Family Tree” assignment…This is like pouring a pound of salt into a festering wound. Adoptive parents need to fight to rid our schools of these painful assignments….Oh, and please don’t have your child put lies on the family tree. This might make you feel better, but we teach our children NOT to lie. Family trees are based on genealogy and blood lines and children know that.
It always amazes me that adopters are so offended by the term “REAL parent”. Im adopted. Guess what? I have FOUR very REAL parents. If I did not, 2 would not exist.
Yes, those words sting, but if adoptive parents would get over themselves and their entitlement and accept the REAL truth, that an adoptee has 4 real parents, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. We sniff out our adoptive parents insecurities from day one, lol.
You know what is NOT “real”? An adoptees amended birth certificate- the one that erases his or her original identity and names of their first parents. Our adoptive parents did not give birth to us, our first parents did. So don’t get all high and mighty with the term “real”, when your kid is forced to live his or her life with fake documents. Falsified by their state government, and making life difficult for thousands upon thousands of adult adoptees trying to obtain valid passports and other forms of government issued identification.