What You'll Accomplish This Week:
- Help your child in writing birth parent letters, even if they are just therapeutic and won't be mailed.
- Get into adoption themed books.
- Search for opportunities to give back to others as the holiday season approaches. Consider donating book bags, suitcases, and duffel bags to foster care agencies.
- Schedule a family photo.
Healing Can Be Found in Writing
There is a lot going on this week with Thanksgiving, Black Friday shopping, and the holiday hustle and bustle of the season just getting started. With the holiday season, however, often come strong feelings of birth family for some adopted children. Encourage your child to write a letter to his birth parents, even if the letter won't be mailed. Allow the child to ask questions in the letter, update birth parents on their activities, and share stories. If you are going to mail the letter, make a photocopy for your child's lifebook. If not, just place the letter in a safe place for later. Your child may want to send the letter at a future date or just keep as a marker for how far they have come with their understanding of their adoption story.
Other ideas:- Your child may want to draw a picture.
- Your child may want to write a poem or story.
- Your child may want to thank their birth parent for a natural talent or ability – like art, sports, or music.
- Your child may want to ask the big questions – why was I placed for adoption, do you think of me, do I have siblings?
As your child continues to process her adoption story, your continued openness to her process will only bring you closer to your child. The more we show hurt or offense to the idea of birth parents, the further your child may feel from you. I doubt if that's what any adoptive parent really wants or intends.
Volunteer Work with Children
The holidays are approaching, so look for ways to do volunteer work with your children. Many foster care agencies need book bags, duffel bags and suitcases for foster children; otherwise children are left to use trash bags for luggage when they move from placement to placement. What a horrible message to send to children - you and your belongings are trash.
Soup kitchens are another great way to do volunteer work with children, but may be based on age – so ask. Your child may not be old enough to help. Some agencies may need help with wrapping Christmas gifts.
We enjoy buying gifts for families in need off of "angel trees." Many stores have Christmas trees with angel cutouts listing the needs of children or families. Many kids enjoy picking out gifts for other children. We even found an angel tree that listed elderly people in need.
Family Photos
I know it's a hassle, but take time to schedule a family photo with your children. If finances are a problem, many people are getting very skilled in taking pictures, if you ask around, I bet a family friend will be able to take a great picture with very little expense involved.
Have a framed picture placed in every child's room. It's a great reminder that they are a part of a family that loves and cares about them.
This Week's Assignments:
Encourage your child to write a letter to his birth parent.
Seek out opportunities to do volunteer work with your children.
Schedule a family picture for the holidays – it's a great way to solidify the fact that you are a family.
Review Adoption Month Week 4 and Beyond: November 22 - November 30, for details on your daily assignments.
