The Language Barrier
It seems like many adoptive parents who watched the 20/20 special had issue with the seeming lack of Russian language used by the Mulligans.
Carrie Craft - "You shared with me in a recent email that you both learned some basic Russian. But did that really help? How big of an issue was the language barrier?"
Tanya - “It was not a problem.”
The Mulligans shared that they learned some key Russian phrases and had three friends that were translators. They went on to say that their children knew some English, and learned "so fast."
Providing Care
Carrie Craft -"What therapies did you seek for your children after the adoption?"
Tanya -"A bi-lingual tutor for homework, surf camp, soccer and other activities in an effort to socialize the girls. Margarita was “hideous to other kids, everyone was the enemy.”
The couple spent $18,000 in 2 weeks for intensive family therapy, which lasted all day for 2 weeks. The therapist recommended that Margarita be removed from the home and placed in some respite care. Most residential settings for children seem to be for kids on drugs. This was not an issue for Margarita. They chose the school in Nova Scotia for its expertise on her needed areas.
Sending Margarita to Nova Scotia
Tanya’s aunt lives in Canada and contacted the Mulligans about the school. It was for children with emotional issues and learning disorders. It cost the family 40 thousand dollars a year.
Tanya visited Margarita at school a few times. Margarita came home one Christmas and spent other holidays with family in Canada or with Tanya's mother.
Money & Finances
Carrie Craft -"On 20/20 you said that “money wasn’t an object.” You obviously have a very nice house, from what we saw on the show, and for you to be able to afford a private school in Nova Scotia – it all seems to send a message that you are well-off. Is this accurate?"
Tanya -"In the beginning, money was not a problem. We had savings and were both working full time. But in no time, with therapy and the cost of Slater’s meds, which are $300.00 a month, we found ourselves living pay check to pay check. We did what we felt was best for our family."
One respite provider that is qualified to handle Slater's special needs is $320 a day and located in Orlando which is a one hour drive one way.
Mike now works out of the home and this has helped with appointments and with someone being home when Slater gets home from school.
I asked about Margarita's beautiful bedroom Tanya shared that they are very crafty people and the chandelier in her room as well as the canopy bed were made by the couple. The Mulligans stated that they enjoy having nice things and want the same for their children.
On Adopting Again
Many have asked why the Mulligans adopted again once they knew that Margarita had severe behaviors.
Originally the Mulligan’s wanted a boy and a girl. The couple shared that they lost two other boy referrals before Slater. When they went to Russia to meet the first little boy, it fell through at the last minute. Mike feels that this was another tactic used by the Russian officials, a type of “bait and switch." The director of the orphanage told them that a "long lost uncle" came forward for the child. They were then offered Misha age 7. They had to agree to adopt the child before meeting him, without history or seeing a picture. The Mulligans signed a letter of intent and spent their time in Russia with Misha. Several months later, with no word on the adoption, they found out that Misha was no longer available. Another family member came forward to claim him.
They were then asked to sponsor a little guy named Sasha (Slater) in the “Cherry Orchard Program,” the adoption agency's summer program.
Slater did activities with the group and Tanya worked full time, so she didn’t feel that she had much time with him. They did have him evaluated for education by the tutor that worked with the girls. The tutor said that Slater was “illiterate.”
When Tanya contacted the adoption agency regarding Slater's educational needs, they stated that they knew he was going to be adopted internationally, so he didn’t attend school. Margarita also seemed calmer when Slater was around, so the Mulligans went forward with the adoption.
The behaviors with Slater began right away at school. He picked fights and wandered off constantly. He bit up furniture in his bed room, pulled up the carpet and defecated on the floor at school.
First Few Days Home – Transitioning
Carrie Craft -Why do you think Elena’s transition was different than Margarita’s? What made the difference?
Tanya - “Because Margarita was in that favored position, first born, etc. When Elena came along the family was breaking down. Margarita blames Elena for the deterioration of her family. Elana was ready to get over the abuse she suffered at the hands of her grandmother."
Tanya shared a memory of one of their first visits to Russia to see the girls, “Elena hung on to the car door until the driver sped up, until she couldn’t hang on any longer.” Tanya related that she couldn’t look back at Elena’s little face as they drove away that day. She hated leaving the girls behind.
Tanya learned that at the orphanage, Margartia wasn’t so much the favorite, but allowed to do whatever she wanted because she was willful. It seems like in Margarita’s eyes, her being allowed to do whatever, with limited boundaries equaled favorite.
Carrie Craft -How was Slater’s transition different than the girls?
Tanya -"Slater is very attached to Mike. I don't feel that I have bonded to Slater yet. It seems like to Slater, I'm just another woman caretaker, like at the orphanage. I provide food and clean clothes. It’s so sad, it breaks my heart. He says, 'I love you dad.' and holds his arms up like a toddler for Mike to pick him up, but he’s ten and half.”
The Mulligan's reported that they still have to supervise Slater in the shower. He chews glass and tried to dive off the balcony head first into the yard. He must be constantly supervised for his safety.
True History & the VideoBirth Family, Marriage, Ranch for Kids & Final Thoughts
